REALLIFE STUDY GROUP
"Join Up!"
ICEBREAKER:
Tell us a group, activity, political party, organization, club, charity
or institution that you have joined at some time in your life.
CONFESSION:
I choose to be faithful to the covenant relationships in my life. I choose to reevaluate the purpose of the
relationships I have established and those I am pursuing. I choose to
strengthen and encourage the relationships in my life that are pressing me into
my God-given purpose. I choose to find, emulate and imitate healthy, productive
relationships.
DEFINITION:
JOIN UP: To connect, combine,
link up, unify, cement, integrate, agree, come together in order to become
whole, to bind together for the purpose of strengthening or establishing. To
become one in order to be creative or produce offspring.
OUTLINE:
13 Components of Growing,
Healthy, Fruitful, Fully Joined Relationships!
1. Trust is
the mortar that holds relationships together so don't mix your mortar too thin.
If you mix your mortar too thin, it will not hold its shape properly,
and the extra water will make it weak and it will not last very long. A weak
mortar will allow your tile to buckle, and your grout to crack. Trust, like mortar, has to be just
right to hold up under pressure. You will need to withstand a few storms in
life. You cannot buy your way into trust, but you can earn it. If you're gonna
earn trust you're gonna have to work on it nights and weekends and put in a
whole lot of overtime hours. Trust fills in the blanks until the blanks can be
filled in.
2. Love is
the foundation relationships are built upon so know the difference between
attraction and altruism.
Attraction asks what you can do for me, while altruism asks what I can do for
you. You can never be completely altruistic or self-sacrificing and allow fear
to control you at the same time. The more you invest in something the more you value it . If you say you are
running out of love what you are really running out of is God because God is
love. The only way to run out of God is to refuse to allow Him to flow through
us. When the roots of unresolved conflict, bitterness, envy, confusion, and
strife grow in us they tend plug up the flow of God's love in us and through
us. When you say "I can't" what you are really saying is "God
can't" through me. The opposite of
love is not hate because God hates what sin does to us. I believe the opposite
of love is selfishness because you will never see God acting selfishly. The
root of selfishness is fear.
Fear Versus Love
·
Fear
terrorizes, Love optimizes
·
Fear
paralyzes, Love mobilizes
·
Fear
minimizes, Love maximizes
3. Communication is
the air relationships breathe so make sure it doesn't get polluted with
destructive, demeaning and dirty words. So what happens in the body when we
breathe? Breathing is accomplished in two parts: inhaling
and exhaling. Like breathing, communication happens
when there is both speaking and listening. It is interesting that even the body
cannot survive if you only inhale or you only exhale. It takes both for the
body to get rid of toxic carbon dioxide and to oxygenate the body at the
cellular level.
4. Honesty is
the soil from which good relationships grow so be careful not to plant your
garden in a landfill. If our honesty is only topsoil deep, beneath the surface we
are living in a lot of deception and denial. A study on the types of soil will
reveal what kind of soil, or rather what elements or minerals in the soil, make
that soil fruitful. The degree of intellectual honesty and the knowledge of the
truth that we operate out of will establish how effective, efficient and
productive we will be.
5. Values
are the building blocks of relationships so choose to do life with people who
have similar passions, goals, beliefs and character. Values can make you or break you.
There's a difference between values and goals. For example saving money is a
goal. The reason you save the money is a value. Saving money, for some people,
gives them a sense of significance or empowerment. For others it's a feeling of
security. For some it just gives them the opportunity to go shopping. So when
the shopper spends someone else's security there tends to be trouble in
paradise. And initially, because the goal was the same, both parties thought
their values were the same and then people start saying things like, " You
have changed!" Often the only thing that has really changed is that two
people just discovered the difference between values and goals.
6. Commitment is
the roadmap of relationships so don't leave home without it, you
might forget where you are going and how to get back. Commitment keeps us focused. Commitment looks past the
distractions toward the destination. Commitment
gives you the power to to conquer the rocky roads of life.
7. Vision is
the blueprint of relationships so don't try to build without one or you might
find that both of you are building something different on the same plot of
ground. Without a
vision people perish. Without a vision nations, states, and communities perish.
Without a vision businesses, marriages, families, and relationships perish. If
you want great provision you have to have a great vision. A visionary is simply
the combination of a pioneer and a person of great vision.
8. Forgiveness is
the medicine that heals sick relationships so keep your prescription full. Sometimes the only "I’m
sorry" you will ever get from some people is them changing their attitude
toward you. Learn to be gracious. Do not push people into a corner emotionally.
Give people a way out with integrity.
Forgiveness is a God-like quality. Only kings, presidents and governors
have the right to grant clemency. You are never more like God than when you
give and forgive. Like a fish released back into the water, it is amazing how
letting people off the hook frees you as well.
Forgiveness is NOT:
·
Conditional
·
Excusing
unjust or inappropriate behavior
·
Explaining
away the hurt
·
Based
on what is fair
·
A
product of weakness
·
Stuffing
your anger
·
Requiring
me to stay in a harmful, abusive environment
·
Being
a doormat
·
Forgetting
·
A
feeling
·
A
natural response
·
Denying
the disappointment...
Forgiveness Suggests:
·
Releasing
your right to hear the words “I’m sorry” even though the offended should still say it
·
Releasing
your right to be bitter
·
Releasing
your right to get even
·
Releasing
your right to dwell on or hold on to the offense
·
Releasing
your right to keep bringing it up
9. Affection is
the bread that nourishes relationships so neither one is
starving. If
somebody in the relationship is starving for affection its time to do some
baking. Unfortunately there are some people that can stuff themselves night and
day with the bread of affirmation, attention and affection from person to
person but never get filled up because there is an insatiable hole in their
soul. This hole is usually due to a love deficit or some abusive situation or
neglect caused or allowed by their father or a father figure which produces a
lack of honor and a sense of low value.
10.
Passion is the gas that fuels relationships
so don't forget to fill
up before its too late. Without passion we are simply running on the fumes of what
used to be or could have been. Without passion we are drifting
through life just waiting for direction and hoping to find a reason to keep
drifting. Without passion we are like a ship
without a sail, a train without steam, or a life without purpose.
11.
Consideration is the sensitivity of relationships
so you can feel
what others feel, see what others
see, hear what others hear, and understand things from someone else's
perspective.
Consideration opens the eyes of your understanding to the needs, desires and
expectations of others. Being considerate requires a higher level of maturity.
12.
Cooperation is the synergy of relationships so
you can
accomplish not just double, but ten
times what you could have accomplished alone. Cooperation is the operation or act of co-laboring or
working side by side. Cooperation boosts creativity and magnifies your
strengths while minimizing your weaknesses.
13.
Ethical Compromise is the bargaining tool of
relationships
where the art of negotiation and
diplomacy enable everyone involved to come to a
win-win situation.
It creates an environment of shared responsibility and mutual respect. It lays
control and fear on the altar of hope for a better future
TEXT: 1 Corinthians 6:17, Genesis 2:24,
Mark 10:5-9, Ephesians 5:31
STUDY GROUP QUESTIONS:
1. Describe one thing you see Jesus
doing in the Bible to build and bond healthy relationships. (He speaks to
people as if they are already becoming what they could be. He challenges when
he confronts. He models a heathy father-son relationship. He honors God and
people even children...)
2. One of American Express' advertising
slogans was "Membership has its privileges!" Name one privilege you
receive when you join up with the family of God.
3. Of the 13 components listed above
which one would you like others to work on?
4. Of the 13 components listed above
which one do you most need to work on?
5. What does it mean to you to become
one spirit with God?
6. You would think the scripture would
say a woman would leave her father and mother and cleave to her husband and
become one flesh. Why do you think the Bible says it the other way around in
Genesis 2:24?
7. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being
the best, how is your relationship with God right now and what has contributed
to making it that way?
PRAISE REPORTS & PRAYER REQUESTS:
ACTION POINT:
This week I will make a list of the top ten values upon which I want to
build my life and establish my relationships.