REALLIFE STUDY GROUP

 

TOPIC: What are you wearing?

 

ICEBREAKER:  Make a fashion statement!

Description: What kind of clothes make you feel most confident and what kind make you feel most comfortable? (Business suit, sweat suit, flannel PJs, swim suit)

 

DEFINITIONS:  What is conflict? - A disagreement over opposing issues or principles

 

TEXT:  Col 3:1-14

 

QUESTIONS:

 

  1. When it comes to conflict would you say that you are more of an attack the problem head on or avoid the problem as long as possible person?
  2. Where are we to set are hearts and minds and why is that so hard?verses1-2
  3. Godly conflict resolution requires putting to death the flesh nature.  What does that consist of? (verses 5-9)
  4. Paul relates trading the fleshly nature for spiritual attitudes to changing clothes.  What do our new clothes look like? (verses 10-13)  What attribute on that list is hardest for you?
  5. God’s answer for conflict resolution is perfect unity.  How do we do that? (verse 14)
  6. Is your conflict more internal or external? (Are you fighting more with yourself or others?)

 

Sermon Notes:

 

Conflict Characteristics (2 Types)

 

ATTACKERS

 

1.    The Shark….Dictator

Inner Need: Ego Confirmation

Symptoms:  Controlling, Judgmental, Uses Power Plays, Closed Minded

Remedies:  Let them have their say without interrupting, Hold your ground, Give them praise,

Message:  “Give in to me or I’ll attack”

Goal:  To win and always maintain control

 

2.    The Snake….Backbiter

 

Inner Need: To feel Superior

Symptoms:  Bites when you’re not looking, Starts false rumors, Pretends to be innocent, gathers allies

Remedies:  Be aware of their schemes, Confront them with someone in private, Expect denial, Be firm, Catch them in a lie

Message:  “Don’t tangle with me or you’ll regret it”

Goal:  Look good to others by tearing you down

 

3.    The Woodpecker….Faultfinders

 

Inner Need: A Listening Ear

Symptoms:  Repetitive complaints, Makes negative statements about everything, Blames others, Pulls others into disagreements, Delights in misery

Remedies:  Learn to cut off negative conversation, Respond only to what is important, Confront their game playing, Encourage a look at solutions, Don’t reinforce negativity

Message:  “Don’t get on my bad side”

Goal:  To gain sympathy and attention

 

AVOIDERS

 

1.   The Turtle….Retreater

 

Inner Need:  Peace at all costs

Symptoms:  Plays dumb, gives one word answers, withdraws, is secretive, makes you feel guilty for asking questions

Remedies:  Asks questions that can’t be answered with yes or no.  Seek to get them to talk on a feeling level.  Hang in there until you get a response.  Be positive, not critical with them.  Don’t answer for them

Message:  “Don’t confront me because it won’t do any good”

Goal:  To maintain power through silence

 

2.   The Chameleon….Obligator

 

Inner Need:  Confirmation & Approval

Symptoms:  Indecisive, Acts innocent, Super nice and agreeable, Noncommittal, Downplays differences

Remedies:  Make it “okay” to disagree, Help them identify priorities, Learn their hidden fears, Reinforce the decisions, Don’t Accept their yes as complete agreement

Message:  “I’m nice to you; you owe it to me to be nice back”

Goal:  To avoid disfavor or criticism

 

3.   The Weasel….Twister

 

Inner Need:  Courage & Confidence

Symptoms:  Clearly defensive, Sidesteps the issue, Twists and bends the truth, Blame others, Avoids “I” statements

Remedies:  Avoid accusations, Don’t get drawn into arguments, Be strong and immovable, Be forgiving, Be consistently encouraging

Message:  “I’m not going to get pinned down”

Goal:  To avoid responsibility and account-ability